Grief and Walking In The Shoes of Your Loved Ones

This past year brought me to my knees. No matter how prepared I was for the passing of probably the most important person in my life – mom and best friend – when it actually happened, the foundation of who I was shattered.

Grief kicked in.

I’ve been irritable for the most part of this year and the other part, I’ve evaluated my life decisions and those around me.

It’s only normal to consider the life you’ve got after the passing of someone important. The emptiness they leave behind will shake every little part of you and nothing seems ok.

Sending a message through a flower, wind and water

This year, I’ve cried, and felt gut wrenching pain in my stomach.

I’ve felt lonely, even when my honey and the rest of my family was with me.

Staying in bed without any contact with anyone seemed so comforting.

I’ve wanted to work on my business but the drive was no longer there.

I’ve envisioned tragic accidents with only me and no other other bystander in sight.

All because of this pain that nothing could help cure.

The slightest things would bother me and I didn’t understand why.

It was then that I decided to get a dog.

This little guy, Mozzie, helped shed some light this year.

This little guy saved me.

And after bills started piling up, I began to think about the gift my mom gave me.

The gift of life and the love she showered me with every single day. I realized, this is her greatest gift. How I use it is a testament of how much I appreciate her dedicating her life to being the most amazing mother I could have ever asked for.

There are days I still get sad but I think of her and her smile.

My connection with her is still very much alive. I sense her and sometimes utter her words when I’m wondering what to do.

So today, I dedicated the day to her.

Quiet and stillness at a duck pond in Vancouver

Her love of nature and flowers is the first thing I thought about so I spent it at a park in Vancouver. The park I took her to in one of her visits – Queen Elizabeth Park.

With my sister in memory of mom

Then, I donated blood for the very first time.

Contributing to the blood bank – not the most pleasant experience but a need I had to fulfill.

During the last few months of her life, she received a few blood transfusions. And the hospital would not take my blood because I didn’t have the correct ID – I was in Central America so all I had was my passport.

So this was my contribution – a year later.

I had brunch with my sister at a restaurant I had taken her once – and she’d loved.

Vegan tacos and a hibiscus lemonade for mom

I thought about her every minute today, and I think about her every day – both my parents. But today, I dedicated it to her.

I’m slowly picking up motivation to get things going but I’m taking small steps. The wound is still fresh – I don’t know if it will ever fully heal.

If you’ve ever lost someone that meant the world to you and want to commemorate their life and what they loved, think about the things they enjoyed doing when they were alive. And walk in their shoes.

Much love to all. Tomorrow’s a new day.